friendship day and other monologue !!!

yet another friendship day passed and i still wonder whom can i call my real friend !
every time i get upset and the fault is absolutely mine. i expect more than i should . and every time i promise to myself.."ok, no more , i have to keep my feelings back.." and then another blunder !
right now i am worried a lot .. for the sudden change in my behavior..i was never so fragile (or at least i like to think myself as a solid one !!) but now i feel that i am falling apart into pieces and those pieces are flying away from me..and i have nothing to do but stare at them ! at times i really hate myself ..for not being the one i want me to be..and for "over-being" the one who i really am .
i am loosing my solitude ..the time i always keep only for myself is drifting away ...every night i used to seat in the balcony and be lost in my wonder world, but now i have gone far away from my very own place like an uprooted tree!
you should never expect the same dedication from others as you have for them..because every one has his/her own world and you never know even you are in that world or not. just colour your own world, with your own emotions...